she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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