You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
