beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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