Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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