I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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