so explain again why im purple
no
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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