she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
