Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
