I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
