Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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