Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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