he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
