Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
