How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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