butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
