I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
