my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
