Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
