apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
