she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
