K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
