well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
