I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
