the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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