I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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