I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
