I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
