so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
