Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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