Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
