So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
