so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
