Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
