she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
wow bdsm is so cute
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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