have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
