Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You are the jesus of drinking
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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