when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Vodka?
Forever.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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