she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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