i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
