Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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