i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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