I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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