Fine. I'll sleep in my office
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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