if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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