bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
my liver is dry heaving
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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