You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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