I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
