after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
