Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
