Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
