I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Pappa wants mamma naked
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
