Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
