I'm jealous of your bromance
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
