She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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