the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
