I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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