Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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