like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
