dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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