ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
