When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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