Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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