I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
