Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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