rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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