what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
