Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
