I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it's like iHOP with fire
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Randomize
