I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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