Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
