i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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