i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
