I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
