and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
