i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
