So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
