I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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