Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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